Every wedding I shoot has a handful of “the shots.” You know the ones, everyone looking at the camera, the big group photo, the first kiss, the cake cutting. They’re important, and I’ll always make sure you have them. But if you ask me honestly which photos I love most, it’s almost never those ones.

It’s the moment right before the big kiss, when your hands are shaking a little and you’re trying not to cry. Your mum fixing your veil for the tenth time that morning, not because it needs fixing, but because she needs something to do with her hands. Its the way you look at each other during the ceremony, so caught up in the moment you’ve completely forgotten there’s a crowd of people watching you both. Or it’s the bride and groom catching sight of their bridal party sprawled on the lawn, a few beers deep and belting out some song at the top of their lungs, having so much fun without them that I completely lost the couple to it, and honestly, that’s exactly how a wedding day should be.

None of these moments make it onto a shot list. Nobody plans for them. And that’s exactly why they matter so much.

I think about it like this. In ten years, you’re not going to need reminding of what your wedding dress looked like or what colour the flowers were. You’ll remember that. What you might forget, if nobody caught it, is the exact way your dad’s face changed when he saw you for the first time that morning. Or the sound of your kids laughing at nothing in particular while you were all meant to be posing nicely for a family photo. Those are the ones that catch you off guard years later, the ones that make you go quiet for a second when you’re flicking back through your gallery.

That’s what I’m actually chasing when I’m working. Yes, I’ll get you the classic shots, the ones you’ll frame and send to family. But in between all of that, I’m watching for the small stuff. The glance across the room. The hand on the small of someone’s back. The little sibling squabble happening just out of frame of the “official” photo. I’d rather capture how your day actually felt than just how it looked.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned doing this for as long as I have, it’s that the photos people love most aren’t always the most polished ones. They’re the ones that bring a feeling back the second they see them. That’s the whole reason I do this job the way I do.

So if you’re working with me, don’t be surprised if I duck down low to catch something happening in the background, or go quiet for a minute while everyone’s chatting and getting ready. I’m not being unsociable, I promise. I’m just watching for the moment you didn’t know you’d want, until you see it.